A Sign of the Times

The Crusades League

Mr. Peabody: "Welcome again to another episode of Mr. Peabody and Sherman, with our very special guest - Mark II. Sherman, set the WAY BACK MACHINE to the year 1200 A.D."

Way Back Machine: "WWWWHHHHIIIIZZZZ, WWWWHHHHIIIIRRRRLLLL, ZZZZAAAAPPPP, ZZZZOOOOIIIINNNNKKKK!!"

Mr. Peabody: "Folks, we are here in Jerusalem, site of football play in the Crusades League."

Mark II: "Thanks, Mr. Peabody. The Crusades League was originally called the Islamic League. As we all know, Islam arose as a powerful religious force as early as the seventh century. Over the ensuing centuries most of the inhabitants of the Holy Lands were converted to this new religion. The rise of Islam was evident in world football as well. The Orangemen, a team known for their saffron colored turbans, won a title in the early days and continued to be a factor for years with the great wide receiver Qadry Ismail abu Da'ud, popularly known as the 'Flying Sword.' The Unified Conclaves for the Laud of Allah ('UCLA'), a fundamentalist group led by running back Karim Abdullah Jabbar, was also competitive. But the early successes of the Islamic teams were considered aberrations and not really a cause for concern for the traditional European football powers."

Sherman: "What caused this to change, Mark II?"

Mark II: "Sherman, late in the eleventh century a truly fearsome football power arose in the Holy Lands that captured world football attention. The team was organized by the great Islamic warrior Salah al-Din Yusuf bin Ayub, commonly known as Saladin. From Islamic North Africa he recruited the famed running back Rashaan Salaam al-Din and the versatile quarterback Harun Kordell al-Rashid, nicknamed 'Slashed' due to a nasty war injury. The Water Buffaloes, as they came to be known, quickly became a dominant power. This outraged the Christian Europeans, who launched a series of crusades to retake football supremacy from the Islamic champions. The league name was consequently changed to the Crusades League."

Mr. Peabody: "I thought the Crusades were launched to recapture the Holy Lands for the Christians, Mark II?"

Mark II: "Well, that too."

Sherman: "So how was football played during the Crusades, Mark II?"

Mark II: "Sherman, Crusades League football had a distinctly Islamic flavor. Islamic cheerleaders wore traditional veils, which proved to be somewhat cumbersome during somersaults and back-flips. Homous, falafels, dates and Turkish coffee were served at the concession stands. Games were frequently interrupted by calls to prayer, when the Islamic players would roll out their prayer rugs and bow toward Mecca."

A Prayer Rug Used by the Water Buffaloes' Backfield

Mr. Peabody: "Fascinating, Mark II. Tell us about the great English crusader Richard the Lionheart."

Mark II: "Mr. Peabody, the Lions had been a powerful force in world football since the Roman League, and continued to be so under the direction of Richard the Lionheart. Richard made a strategic error, however, in not immediately joining the Crusades League, preferring instead to play independently against teams in the outlying areas of the Holy Lands. This resulted in the Lions not being accorded the respect they might otherwise have enjoyed, and they remained outside the mainstream of championship play."

Sherman: "So who led the crusades against the Water Buffaloes, Mark II?"

Mark II: "Sherman, leadership of the crusades was left to another great English crusader - Brian the Weaselheart."

Mr. Peabody: "Aaahhh ... the descendant of Grieseous of the Athenian League and the ancestor of Michigan quarterback Brian Griese. Why was he called the Weaselheart, Mark II?"

Mark II: "Mr. Peabody, the weasel has always been thought of as a shifty, slippery creature, seemingly harmless but very dangerous if provoked - in other words an 'overachiever' in the animal kingdom. Similarly, Brian the Weaselheart was short on talent but very long on bravery and guile . He led Michigan against the Water Buffaloes on several occasions."

Sherman: "So how did Brian the Weaselheart fare against the mighty Islamic team, Mark II?"

Brian the Weaselheart Departs From England to Join the Crusades

Mark II: "Sherman, the first game was quite an unusual affair. Brian the Weaselheart was unable to play in the game, suffering the effects of a bit too much ouzo the night before. Nevertheless, with his leadership from the bench Michigan dominated much of the game and was leading with only a few seconds to go. Most of the fans had left; scarcely a dozen camels could be found in the parking lot. The scribes had put away their quills and papyrus. But on the final play of the game Slashed launched a long, desperation pass. The pass careened off three swords, two turbans and a heavy beard and landed in the receiver's hands in the end zone, providing the Water Buffaloes the winning score. The remaining fans jubilantly erupted in the chant 'Allahu Akbar!, Allahu Akbar!' ('God is Great!, God is Great!'). From this time on any truly miraculous play was called the Allahu Akbar play. English speaking teams later copied this idea with the translation 'Hail Mary.'"

Mr. Peabody: "What a devastating loss, Mark II. Was Michigan able to gain revenge?"

Mark II: "Indeed, Mr. Peabody. Three years later Brian the Weaselheart launched another crusade against the Water Buffaloes. Rashaaan Salaam al-Din had retired to enter the military and this time Michigan had a considerably easier go of it. Brian the Weaselheart, using all of his guile, put on a remarkable passing display and Michigan won going away. The game was a springboard to the first of Michigan's 100 championships in the Crusades League."

Brian's Father Was a Sports Journalist

Sherman: "Sounds like Brian the Weaselheart left Michigan a great legacy, Mark II."

Mark II: "Yes, Sherman, and he was even responsible for Michigan's adoption of a formal nickname."

Mr. Peabody: "How so, Mark II?"

Mark II: "Mr. Peabody, over the centuries Michigan had experimented with a variety of nicknames: Cavemen; Mummies; Dung Throwers; Gladiators; Woodsmen. Nothing really stuck. But after Brian the Weaselheart's magnificent success in the Crusades League Michigan formally adopted the nickname Weasels. This was eventually changed to Wolverines upon Michigan fans' insistence that the team be known by the largest and fiercest member of the weasel family."

Sherman: "Mark II, you truly have a limitless knowledge of Michigan football history."

Mark II: "Thank you, Sherman. I try."