The Sun Never Set on Michigan's Football Empire

The British Empire League

Mr. Peabody: "Welcome again to another episode of Mr. Peabody and Sherman, with our very special guest - Mark II. Sherman, set the WAY BACK MACHINE to the year 1700 A.D."

Way Back Machine: "WWWWHHHHIIIIZZZZ, WWWWHHHHIIIIRRRRLLLL, ZZZZAAAAPPPP, ZZZZOOOOIIIINNNNKKKK!!"

Mr. Peabody: "Folks, we are here in Calcutta, at the headquarters of the British East India Company."

Sherman: "Wow, Calcutta?"

Mark II: "Thanks, Mr. Peabody. Sherman, for the most part 17th century world football was played in the great British Empire League, which consisted of two divisions: East Indies and West Indies. Calcutta was the site of East Indies competition; the Cayman Islands the site of the West Indies playoffs."

Mr. Peabody: "Fascinating, Mark II, please go on."

Mark II: "Glad to Mr. Peabody. First, let's examine play in the East Indies Division. We all know that the sea route to the East Indies had been discovered by the great Portugese navigator Vasco da Gama as far back as 1498, right? Well, his great grandson and football enthusiast Vasco da Bama sailed the same route over 100 years later and established a fledgling league in the Indies. Da Bama adopted the huge Indian elephant as his team's mascot and enjoyed a good deal of success in the early years. Meanwhile, the Cyclones blew in from the Maldives in the Indian Ocean, but were pretty well dissipated by the time they reached Calcutta. The Tigers of Maharaja Elesu, a local team, were occasionally competitive. But Michigan came to dominate the East Indies Division for the whole 17th century. Herein the tale of Lloyd, Earl of Carrsbridge."

Sherman: "Never heard of him, Mark II"

Mark II: "Well, Sherman, Carrsbridge is a small Scottish hamlet, but Lloyd never lived there past his youth. His passion for football led him to abandon the aristocratic life and move to London, where he became the offensive coordinator for Coach Harry I in the Shakespearean league. In his spare time he ran a prosperous insurance business which specialized in maritme risks. Over the years he became known simply as Lloyd of London."

Mr. Peabody: "Aaaaaaaaahhh ..."

Mark II: "In 1600 the British East India Company was chartered, and the directors soon sought a good football coach and insurance man. Lloyd of London was just the guy. He set sail for Calcutta but stopped along the way to recruit Aman-i-Toomer, the great wide receiver from the west African farm system, and Ali, Sheik of Haji, the famous Arabian placekicker. Upon arriving in Calcutta Lloyd of London and his great recruits took the East Indies Division by storm, commencing a hundred year's dynasty."

Lloyd of London Sailed the Seas in Search of Football and Insurance Glory

Sherman: "Gee, Mark II. Tell us about play in the West Indies Division."

Mark II: "From the time the West Indies were first discovered Spain and Britain, and to a lesser extent France and even Denmark, fought for military supremacy in the region. West Indies Division football play evidenced the same competitive ferocity. The Spaniard Ponce de Leon organized a team shortly after colonizing Florida in 1513. Ponce de Leon's Gators became almost invincible on their home field, the Okeechobee Swamp, and captured a title under the tutelage of Seve de Spurrier. Meanwhile the French Devils (known popularly as the Horned Frogs) swept in from Martinique and captured a few titles in the early years before settling in what is now northern Texas. The Cavaliers, swashbuckling Danish pirates based in the Virgin Islands, also assembled a team. They were too preoccupied with romancing the lovely female islanders to be much of a factor in football, however. And the Demon Deacons, converted witch doctors from the mangrove forests of Haiti, tried their luck in the division but generally played as if they themselves were under an evil spell."

Mr. Peabody: "Sounds like a lot going on, Mark II."

Mark II: "There's much more, Mr. Peabody. Throughout these times West Indies Division play was afflicted by a myriad of chaotic and often illicit forces - piracy, slave trading, bribery, voodoo, substance abuse and the like. But one team above all others was able to thrive in these conditions."

Sherman: "Who was that, Mark II?"

Mark II: "Well, Sherman, everyone knows that the New World was first discovered by Lief Eriksson, the great Viking explorer who landed in northern Newfoundland around 1004. Lief's Norsemen continued to sail the Atlantic for centuries. In 1650 one of his direct descendants, Dennis Eriksson, sailed along the Atlantic coast all the way to Jamaica."

Mr. Peabody: "Jamaica, Mark II? Intriguing. Please go on."

Mark II: "Dennis Eriksson, being the humanitarian that he was and believing devoutly in the redemptive powers of football, recruited mainly from the local prisons. He quickly assembled a very powerful team of thugs. His Hurricanes wore camouflage uniforms and bandanas, indulged occasionally in the native ganga and became the most accomplished trash talkers yet seen in world football. Dennis Eriksson's team eventually settled in Miami and dominated West Indies Division play for many years."

Sherman: "So what were Michigan's fortunes in the West Indies Division, Mark II?"

Mark II: "Sherman, Lloyd of London, having successfully spearheaded Michigan's East Indies Division dynasty, was recommissioned by the British Crown to oversee football operations in the west. He returned to England and then set sail for the Cayman Islands, insuring many risks along the way, I might add. He stopped in east Africa to recruit Desmondu, the renowned multi-purpose talent. With Lloyd of London's coaching talent and Desmondu's athletic abilities, Michigan stormed the opposition and took 50 titles in the West Indies Division."

Mr. Peabody: "I seem to recall reading of this, Mark II. Didn't Desmondu qualify for some special award?"

Mark II: "Indeed, Mr. Peabody. In the spirit of the times the most valuable player in the West Indies Division was presented an award comprised of a spliff of Jamaican ganga accompanied by an assortment of psychedelic herbs and plants from Spanish Mexico. Collectively the award was referred to as 'THE HIGHS, MAN.' So Desmondu quite deservedly received THE HIGHS, MAN award.

To the Most Valuable Player Went the Spoils

Sherman: "So what is the cumulative total of RETROACTIVE MICHIGAN TITLES, Mark II?"

Mark II: "6,920 by my count, Sherman."

Sherman: "Wow!!"

Mr. Peabody: "SSSSIIIIPPPPPTTTT ... WWWWOOOOAAAAHHHH ..."

Sherman: "Groooooovy, man."