G'day Mate!
Mr. Peabody: "Welcome again to another episode of Mr. Peabody and Sherman, with our very special guest - Mark II. Sherman, set the WAY BACK MACHINE to the year 1865 A.D."
Way Back Machine: "WWWWHHHHIIIIZZZZ, WWWWHHHHIIIIRRRRLLLL, ZZZZAAAAPPPP, ZZZZOOOOIIIINNNNKKKK!!"
Mr. Peabody: "Folks, we are in Sydney on the east coast of Australia at the headquarters of the National Council on Australian Athletics ('NCAA')."
Sherman: "The NCAA? What gives, Mark II?"
Mark II: "Thanks Mr. Peabody. Yes, Sherman, contrary to popular opinion the Australian League introduced to world football the concept of a national organizing body governing football play. The idea was later copied in the United States. The NCAA not only governed Australian League football rulemaking but preserved a written history of league play. This written history formed the basis for a number of popular movies and television programs."
Mr. Peabody: "Intriguing, Mark II. Please go on."
Mark II: "Mr. Peabody, the Australian League was divided into two divisions: The Outback Division and the Oceania Division. And the two divisions exhibited very different styles of play."
Sherman: "How so, Mark II? Tell us first about play in the Outback Division."
Mark II: "Certainly, Sherman. The Outback Division exhibited on the whole some very brutal and chaotic football play in an extremely inhospitable climate. It seems as though severe drought conditions persisted in the Australian outback at this time. The whole landscape was almost lifeless, almost a post-nuclear landscape as we would imagine one today. A band of Australian cattle ranchers, the Cowboys, formed quite a solid team under the direction of quarterback Mick Gundy, or 'CROCODILE GUNDY' (changed to Crocodile Dundee for the movie), as he came to be known. From the aboriginal bush he recruited the renown running backs Bareezanderz and Termantomaz. The Cowboys prospects dimmed, however, when Crocodile Gundy abandoned football to pursue his love interest, a female American sports reporter. Meanwhile, an aboriginal tribe known to English speaking players as the Desert Swarm adopted the feral cat of the wild outback as their mascot and established quite a defensive force in the division."
Mr. Peabody: "Oklahoma State's Mike Gundy, Barry Sanders and Thurmon Thomas have a proud ancestry indeed, Mark II. Tell us about Michigan's team."
Mark II: "Glad to, Mr. Peabody, Michigan was led by coach Max Schembechler. He competed admirably in the early years of the Outback Division but he could never seem to win a title. He became increasingly isolated and angry over the years and eventually became known as 'MAD MAX.'"
Mad Max Schembechler Led Michigan to the Thunderdome
Sherman: "Was Mad Max EVER able to win a title, Mark II?"
Mark II: "Well Sherman, it is an interesting story. The championship game of the Outback Division was held at the Thunderdome in the remote, isolated village of Bartertown. Bartertown was run by a mysterious women known simply as Auntie. She was thought to have originally lived in the northern Caroline Islands in present day Micronesia, but no one was really certain about this. Her Tar-Heels were led by the great aboriginal linebacker Lawrenztalor. Lawrenztalor was renown for his ability to blast through the offensive line and sack the opposing quarterback. He became known around the league as MasterBlaster."
Mr. Peabody: "Why was Auntie's team called the Tar-Heels, Mark II?"
Mark II: "Mr. Peabody, it seems that the main industry in Bartertown was pig farming. A "Tar-Heel" is a polite description of a pig farmer who of necessity had to habitually stomp around in pig poop."
Sherman: "Yyyyyuuuucccckkkk!"
Mark II: "Anyway, Mad Max vowed vengeance on his rivals and set out for Bartertown. He faced and conquered many dangerous foes on his journey, as described in THE ROAD WARRIOR. Upon reaching Bartertown he met the Tar-Heels in the championship game."
Mr. Peabody: "I'll bet it was a vicious struggle, Mark II."
Mark II: "Indeed it was, Mr. Peabody. Teams were expected to play without mercy in the Thunderdome. All manner of violence was permitted, and every part of the stadium, including the scaffolding on the roof, was deemed to be in bounds. Mad Max, deftly using a combination of ropes, saws and assorted other weaponry, took a commanding early lead and seemed to have MasterBlaster at his mercy. However, just as victory seemed imminent Mad Max lost his concentration and allowed MasterBlaster back into the game. This act of generosity and kindness was ruled to be unsportsmanlike conduct - the single most egregious violation of NCAA rules. And the penalties imposed were swift and harsh. Play was suspended and the Tar-Heels were declared the winners by forfeit, although they were not awarded an official title due to the game's incompleteness. And Mad Max was made to face The Wheel."
Sherman: "The Wheel, Mark II? What was this about?"
Mark II: "The Wheel was the NCAA's mechanism for randomly assigning punishment for rules violations. While the whole Thunderdome crowd looked on, Mad Max spun The Wheel ... and received ... the gulag. This amounted to exile from Bartertown and the mainstream of Outback Division play. Mad Max was fitted with a Wolverine headpiece and sent off on horseback into the Australian outback, as depicted in MAD MAX BEYOND THUNDERDOME."
The NCAA Was a Kangaroo Court
Mr. Peabody: "Wow, that is a surprising turn of events. What ever became of Mad Max, Mark II?"
Mark II: "Mr. Peabody, after his exile Mad Max returned to Bartertown and attempted again to defeat the Tar-Heels. But his efforts were futile, and to this very day Michigan has rarely fared so poorly against any opponent as it has against the Tar-Heels."
Sherman: "Well, tell us about play in the Oceania Division, Mark II. Let's hope Michigan had better luck!"
Mark II: "Indeed they did, Sherman. In terms of the physical nature of play the Oceania Division proved to be almost the exact opposite of the Outback Division. Truly it was a 'kinder and gentler' league. Indeed, some of the play proved to be almost cartoon-like in its quality."
Mr. Peabody: "Cartoon-like? Please explain, Mark II."
Mark II: "Certainly, Mr. Peabody. Islanders from the southern Caroline Islands landed at the east coast of Australia and commenced chicken farming. The Super Chickens, as they called themselves, were more of a comedy source than a true football power. They played earnestly, however, and eventually became known as the Gamecocks. The Tasmanian Blue Devils fielded a somewhat erratic team which became best known for its mascot's annoying propensity to eat the football during the course of play. On one such occasion he choked on the ball and started turning blue - hence the "Blue Devils." Meanwhile, the Daffy Ducks paddled in from New Zealand and added to the insanity."
The Blue Devils' Mascot Had a Taste for Footballs
Sherman: "How does Michigan fit into this strange mix, Mark II?"
Mark II: "Sherman, Michigan was led by Kangaroo Kipke, a captain on the Brisbane police force. and a direct descendant of Coach Harry I of the Shakespearean League. He became known around the Oceania Division simply as CAPTAIN KANGAROO. He recruited the famed wide receiver Mai-Tai Streets, better known as Mr. Green Jeans on account of his grass stained pants, and the running back Tom Harmony, better known as Tom Terrific."
Mr. Peabody: "Ah, ancestors of Tai Streets and Tom Harmon. An impressive array of comedic talent, Mark II, and not bad football players either."
Mark II: "Indeed, Mr. Peabody. And the Oceania Division proved to be child's play for Captain Kangaroo. Michigan laughed its way through the division, winning 10 consecutive titles while barely breaking a sweat."
Sherman: "Mark II, you truly are an encyclopedia of RETROACTIVE MICHIGAN TITLES, real fair dinkum."
Mark II: "Thanks, Sherman, you're not a bad bloke yourself. Cherio, mates."