Michigan Football Was on Top of the World

The Arctic League

Mr. Peabody: "Welcome again to another episode of Mr. Peabody and Sherman, with our very special guest - Mark II. Sherman, set the WAY BACK MACHINE to the year 1800 A.D."

Way Back Machine: "WWWWHHHHIIIIZZZZ, WWWWHHHHIIIIRRRRLLLL, ZZZZAAAAPPPP, ZZZZOOOOIIIINNNNKKKK!!"

Mr. Peabody: "Folks, we are here on the shores of what would later become known as Victoria Island in northern Canada, at the camp of the renowned football journalist Grantland Ice."

Sherman: "Burrrrrrr .... Mark II ..... it is VERY cold ..... I've heard of Grantland Rice, the great football writer of the 1930s and 1940s, but Grantland Ice?"

Mark II: "Thanks Mr. Peabody. Yes, Sherman, it is indeed chilly. Sherman, Grantland Ice left his home in Iceland, being a rather boring place anyway, and sailed to arctic North America to chronicle play in the Arctic League. He left very detailed journals which depict some very rough and tumble play in a quite inhospitable climate."

Mr. Peabody: "Tell us about play in this league, Mark II."

Mark II: "Certainly, Mr. Peabody. The championship game of the Arctic League was held at the Punch Bowl, and the victor was awarded the Manly Cup. But the Arctic League had an uneven mix of teams. Settlers from what would eventually become known as the Northwest Territories adopted the Lynx, wild cats of northern Canada, as their mascot and were led by coach Gary Burnout. The Lynx enjoyed one remarkable season in which they played in the Punch Bowl. However, Coach Burnout, true to his name, abandoned his team shortly after this great season and the Lynx were never again a factor in the league. Meanwhile, a tribe of Mohegan Indians fielded a team but had sporadic success at best. Their opponents derisively branded them the Hosers. The Hosers eventually withdrew from the Arctic League and resettled in Indiana Territory."

Sherman: "The 'Hosers', ha! A little Canadian humor, Mark II?"

Mark II: "Right, Sherman. Anyway, the Beavers from Oregon Territory tried their luck in the Arctic League but the climatic conditions proved too harsh for them. They had not much of a football team but were renown around the league for their voluptuous cheerleaders. A wolf pack from just north of present day Caroline in eastern Alberta and the Polar Bears of Hudson Bay ventured north to Victoria Island, while the Green Wave rolled in from Kalaallit Nunaat or Greenland, but they all proved to be mediocrities."

A "Frozen Tundra" for Real

Mr. Peabody: "So who were the GOOD teams in the Arctic League, Mark II?"

Mark II: "Well, Mr. Peabody, the Siberian Huskies continued to be a factor in world football under the direction of quarterback Barak Huardilov. They crossed the Bering Strait to Alaska, stopped to win a few Iditerods, and continued on to Victoria Island to play in the Arctic League. But Michigan's greatest challenge came surprisingly from a group of artisans from the east coast of Newfoundland."

Mr. Peabody: "Artisans from Newfoundland? Intriguing, Mark II. Please go on."

Mark II: "Glad too Mr. Peabody. The Boiler-Makers were skilled in the art of constructing pots and implements for boiling whale blubber, whaling being one of Newfoundland's main industries. They were led by the famous coach Mojo, originally a tiller in the wheat fields of what would later become southern Saskatchewan. Mojo Tiller was renown for resurrecting mediocre football teams, and under his leadership the Boiler-Makers indeed found their football karma, or mojo."

Sherman: "Tell us about Michigan's team, Mark II."

Mark II: "Sherman, Michigan was led by the great quarterback Wayne Greisky, also known as 'The Great Greisky', or simply 'The Great One.'"

Mr. Peabody: "From the lineage of Greisious and Brian the Weasleheart, Mark II?"

Mark II: "Yes, Mr. Peabody, and Wayne Greisky was indeed the greatest player of the Arctic League. He mastered the following techniques which, while largely illegal today, were perfectly permissible and indeed encouraged in the Arctic League:

(1) Roughing - an essential element of Arctic League football;

(2) Slashing - when roughing was just not enough;

(3) Cross-Checking - blocking from behind, or clipping;

(4) Highsticking - bringing an opponent down with a forearm to the face-mask;

(5) Icing - intimidating and distracting an opposing placekicker before an important kick;

(6) Drawing an opponent offsides."

Sherman: "Impressive techniques! Even Wayne Gretsky, the hockey great, would be proud."

Arctic League Patrons

Mark II: "Yes, Sherman, and that's not all. From the Yukon River valley Wayne Greisky recruited the renown wide receiver Yukon Jack Clancy, and from what would later become southern Manitoba a mysterious but effective placekicker who answered to the name of Re-Mee. Re-Mee was not much to look at, being about seven feet tall and completely covered with hair, and spoke only in grunts, but had a powerful, if sometimes erratic, foot. He came to be known around the league simply as 'Bigfoot.'"

Mr. Peabody: "Jack Clancy, Michigan's great wide receiver of the 1960s, had a talented ancestor. So Jack London, the famous novelist and adventurer, was not the original Yukon Jack after all! Mark II, was Bigfoot related to Remy Hamilton, Michigan's placekicker of the mid 1990s?"

Mark II: "Based on their physical similarities, there can be no doubt, Mr. Peabody. And Bigfoot played a key role in the first Punch Bowl game against the Boiler-Makers. The Boiler-Makers had the long ball going and the teams went toe-to-toe in a high scoring affair. Michigan held a tenuous lead in the closing seconds of the game but the Boiler-Makers had possession of the ball near midfield. Wayne Greisky called timeout and then unveiled a brilliant plan to preserve the victory."

Sherman: "Gee, Mark II, what was this brilliant strategy?"

Mark II: "Sherman, Wayne Greisky, concerned that his team was too cold and weary to stop the long ball, instructed Bigfoot to drop back deep and stomp around on the ice near the Michigan goal line while the Boiler-Makers huddled. Unbeknownst to Mojo Tiller and his team, the ice cracked at the Michigan five yard line. Sure enough, the Boiler-Makers launched another long ball. But just as the receiver approached the goal line, and broke into his touchdown prance, he fell through the ice into the frigid Arctic waters. He was pulled out of the water nearly frozen but was eventually thawed out. The icy water underneath the field was considered to be out of bounds, however, and the play was ruled dead at the five. Time expired and the weary but jubilant Wayne Greisky accepted the Manly Cup. And his defensive strategy became immortalized as the first implementation of the prevent defense."

Bigfoot Implemented the Prevent Defense

Sherman: "Wow, a truly glorious Michigan victory, and yet another Michigan contribution to football theory."

Mark II: "Yes, Sherman, and Wayne Greisky's victory over the Boiler-Makers spearheaded another 10 RETROACTIVE MICHIGAN TITLES in the Arctic League. And by way of epilogue, the Boiler-Makers became so demoralized by their close loss that they withdrew from the Arctic League and resettled in the central United States, where they established a rivalry with the Hosers."

Mr. Peabody: "Mark II, I can't help but notice that almost all of the Canadian teams in the Arctic League eventually resettled in the United States. A foreshadowing of events in the National Hockey League, perhaps?"

Mark II: "Well it does seem that way, Mr. Peabody, now that you mention it."