A Michigan Cheerleader

The African League

Mr. Peabody: "Welcome again to another episode of Mr. Peabody and Sherman, with our very special guest - Mark II. Sherman, set the WAY BACK MACHINE to the year 1860 A.D."

Way Back Machine: "WWWWHHHHIIIIZZZZ, WWWWHHHHIIIIRRRRLLLL, ZZZZAAAAPPPP, ZZZZOOOOIIIINNNNKKKK!!"

Mr. Peabody: "Folks, we are here in Ujiji near the shore of Lake Tanganyika in East Africa at the camp of the great explorer Dr. David Livingstone."

Mark II: "Thanks Mr. Peabody. As I'm sure everyone knows Dr. Livingstone was one of the first Europeans to explore the interior of Africa. During his travels Livingstone learned more about African customs, geography, commerce and sports than any other European. The American football journalist and adventurer Mark Stanley, a distant relative of mine, set out from coastal East Africa and trekked 700 miles through jungles and swamps searching for Dr. Livingstone in hopes of gleaning from him the history of African football."

Sherman: "Mark Stanley eventually found Dr. Livingstone I presume."

Mark II: "Indeed he did, Sherman, and more than 10 years before the better known adventurer Henry Morton Stanley. I've recently discovered Mark Stanley's lost notes of his interviews with Dr. Livingstone and they provide a fascinating glimpse into African football. It seems that African geography greatly influenced the nature of play. A few teams played in the deserts or in the vast savannas (grasslands) north of the equator, but for the most part African League play took place in the equatorial rain forests. Fields had to be cut out of the jungle, an imperfect undertaking at best. Overhanging trees, dangling vines and fallen logs were all common and accepted field conditions."

Mr. Peabody: "Fascinating, Mark II. Who were the important teams in the league?"

Mark II: "Mr. Peabody, the Lions continued to play a significant role in world football and fielded a highly competitive team. They developed a great rivalry with the Panthers as the teams were competing predators often occupying the same habitat. The Panthers captured several titles in the early years, including one with the famed running back Dorsettubaki."

Sherman: "Sounds like an intense rivalry indeed, Mark II. Who were the other competitors?"

Mark II: "Sherman, renown coach Barros Alverez from Spanish Sahara in western Africa assembled a team led by the great running back Rawnda'in. The Honey-Badgers became quite a solid team under Coach Alverez and posed a significant threat to Michigan's title hopes. Meanwhile, the Boers, a band of Dutch settlers who migrated from South Africa to the Transvaal in the mid 1800s became a factor in the league. They called themselves the Wild Boers, and sensing an opportunity for comedy adopted the warthog as a mascot. The Razorbacks, as they became known, were competitive but inconsistent and did not win any titles. Dr. Livingstone was himself a football enthusiast and fielded a team known as the Yellow Jackets. They managed to capture one title but on the whole were also too inconsistent to play a major role in the African League."

Mr. Peabody: "How did Dr. Livingstone's team get the name Yellow Jackets, Mark II? On account of the khaki color of typical safari dress?"

Mark II: "No, Mr. Peabody. Dr. Livingstone, a chivalrous man, once laid his coat down over a puddle of rhino urine to spare the shoes of a female fan. This act of gallantry immortalized his team's name. Anyway, Michigan's most formidable challenge came from a team of local bushmen - the Wazzousi tribe."

Mr. Peabody: "Never heard of them, Mark II."

Mark II: "Well, Mr. Peabody, I'm sure everyone had heard of the Watusi tribe, famed for being one of the tallest races in the world and not bad dancers either, I might add. The Wazzousi, or the Wazzou, as they came to be known, were a neighboring tribe having similar physical characteristics. They were led by a great albino warrior who legend has it was at least seven feet tall. His skin color resembled that of an herbal paste made from the leaves of the rare Ribbon-leaved nerine plant. The bushmen called him 'Nerine Leaf' but he went by the nickname 'Rine.' Under the direction of quarterback Rine Leaf the Wazzou became quite a force in the African League."

Sherman: "Didn't Washington State later adopt the name Wazzou, Mark II?"

Mark II: "They did indeed, Sherman, in honor of their ancestral football greats."

Mr. Peabody: "How was Michigan able to overcome this great warrior, Mark II?"

Mark II: "Mr. Peabody, it is an interesting tale. Michigan was led by the great player/coach Carrzan, a mysterious man of European descent who lived in the deepest jungles of the Congo River basin. As a small child he had wandered away from his parents while the family attended a playoff game and became hopelessly lost in the dense jungle. An extensive search proved unsuccessful and he was given up for dead. However, Carrzan miraculously survived, and grew up with a unique knowledge of the ways of the jungle, a knowledge that would serve him well in his football career."

Carrzan's Play Inspired Many Movies

Sherman: "Gee Mark II, that sounds neat. Tell us more."

Mark II: "Sherman, Carrzan became accomplished in the following jungle football techniques:

(1) Vineswinging - an essential skill for both rushing and pass receiving. Carrzan's range was at least 60 yards;

(2) Spear throwing - an effective defensive skill. A spear would be chucked at a small overhanging tree limb and upon impact the branch would fall on a ballcarrier's head, stunning him. Carrzan's spears could penetrate a tree limb from 40 yards;

(3) Judiciously placing banana peels on the field. This was another powerful defensive technique and made for some pretty good comedy, too;

(4) Imitating the wild call of a female hyena in heat. A well timed call would greatly distract the opposition, creating opportunities for big plays;

(5) Training chimps in the art of heckling the opposition. The thunderous racket was unnerving in general and made play calling quite difficult.

Carrzan used all of these techniques to great advantage when Michigan met the Wazzou in the championship game."

Mr. Peabody: "Sounds like quite an interesting game, Mark II. Please proceed."

Mark II: "Mr. Peabody, the game was a tense, see-saw affair going into the second half but Michigan had the long ball working. Carrzan made a spectacular one-handed grab on a vine and swung into the end zone to put Michigan ahead. Michigan had seized the momentum but the rest of the game was somewhat unusual."

Sherman: "What do you mean, Mark II?"

Mark II: "Well, Sherman, the Wazzou were forced to punt and Michigan took over deep in its territory. Carrzan then hit upon a daring plan of attack, one never seen before in world football. He devised a plan to BORE the opposition into a STUPOR, grind out the clock and win. And his plan was brilliantly successful, I must say. Carrzan quieted the crowd into a low murmur and then commenced a succession of boring runs into the line. Eight plays into the drive the Wazzou players' eyes glazed over. Hours passed, the sun began to set and still Michigan had not reached the Wazzou 20 yard line. By now most fans and half the Wazzou players were fast asleep."

Michigan's Long Drive Bored Most Observers to Sleep

Mr. Peabody: "A brilliant strategy! How did the game end, Mark II?"

Mark II: "Mr. Peabody, the conclusion of the game proved to be one of the most bizarre in football history. Carrzan's plan would have worked to perfection had not a Michigan player accidentally stepped on the tail of an Aye-Aye Lemur who had wandered onto the field. The lemur's shrill cry awoke the Wazzou defenders and they finally stopped Michigan. With only a minute left to play Rine Leaf moved the Wazzou quickly down the field. The Wazzou were in position to score with two seconds left, time for one last play. But at this very moment a herd of crazed hippos stampeded the field. Players and fans alike ran for cover. Amid the chaos the field was utterly destroyed and several key players were injured. There was no choice but to abandon the game and Michigan was declared the winner."

Michigan's "12th Man"

Mr. Peabody: "An unfinished game, Mark II?"

Mark II: "Perhaps in a sense, Mr. Peabody, but it went into the record books just fine. In fact this game was the springboard to a total of 10 RETROACTIVE MICHIGAN TITLES in the African League."

Sherman: "Where to next, Mark II?"

Mark II: "Down under, Sherman."